


If I Could Calm The Storm (That Rages Inside)

by orphan_account



Category: Free!
Genre: ENTIRELY FLUFF, Fluff, M/M, dealing w/ fears is hard im sorry baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-28
Updated: 2014-07-28
Packaged: 2018-02-10 18:56:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2036307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A storm outside sends Rin into a panic, but that's not the only storm that's causing him worry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Could Calm The Storm (That Rages Inside)

Thunder rumbled overhead. It was well into the night, but every so often, lightning would illuminate the heavy clouds hanging above the town.

Rin lay awake, watching the flashes of light spill out from under the curtains. Haru had closed them before they went to bed, after he’d witnessed Rin rather unceremoniously displayed his childhood after dinner.

_10:30 PM. They’d been sitting quietly at the table, (Haru was working on a paper for school, meanwhile Rin had been mapping out training regimes) when a particularly loud clap of thunder had sent such a violent tremor through Rin’s spine that he let out a pitiful yelp. He tried to ignore Haru’s curious stare and instead steer his concentration back to what he’d been doing. He could feel a burning heat ascending his neck under Haru’s continuous gaze. Partially out of embarrassment and partially out of childhood habit, Rin excused himself and made a dash for the bathroom._

_Locking the door behind him, Rin stumbled to the far side of the room and slid down the wall, cradling his face in his hands. He felt stupid and weak, but not only that, he also felt incredibly ashamed. He should definitely, definitely be over his fear of storms by now. And yet here he was…_

_There was no telling how much time passed before Rin heard a quiet knock. A cold dread spread through his veins, almost rendering him incapable of moving. The knock came again, followed by a quiet utterance of his name. Rin physically couldn’t get his body to move. It was as if his limbs had turned to lead. He heard a muffled sigh and faint footsteps leading away from the bathroom door. Rin let out a ragged sigh. Maybe he wouldn’t have to face Haru just yet. His relief was shortlived, however, as there was yet another knock at the door._

_“Rin, if you don’t open the door, I’m doing it for you,” called Haru. His voice was void of irritation, instead filled with a startling amount of concern. Nonetheless, try as he might, Rin couldn’t force himself to get up off the tiles._

_The clatter of door opening sent a new shock of cold dread to his heart. He couldn’t bear to look at the figure in the doorway, afraid of what kind of expression he’d see on Haru’s face. He flinched when he felt Haru sit down beside him, his gentle warmth a blazing heat next to Rin’s icy veins._

_Haru was the first to break the silence._

_“Still afraid of storms, huh?”_

_Rin could tell from the inflection in his voice that it wasn’t so much a question as a quiet observation. He knew that he wasn’t required to answer, and he was thankful, for he wasn’t certain he could trust his voice._

_A couple more minutes of silence passed. Haru’s breathing was quiet and even, until another shudder shook through Rin’s body._

_“It’s alright to be scared. Especially when you’ve got reason to be,” he said finally._

_Rin could have cried hearing that. Luckily however, he didn’t, as the very next moment, Haru got up off the floor and stood facing Rin. With a hand extended, he said:_

_“Okay, bedtime. It’ll be easier if you sleep through it.”_

_When he finally mustered up the strength (and courage, let’s be real) to take his hand, Rin noticed the warmth that may have started to thaw the first of his frozen nerves._

That was all well and good in the bathroom though. The bathroom provided security and protection from the noisy chaos that raged on outside. The bedroom was no good. He could see the flashes of lightning spilling out from under the curtains. He could hear too well the deep rumbling of thunder and the lashing rain pelting the window. He tried not to think too hard about the fact that there was only thin walls and fragile piece of glass protecting him from the tumultuous weather.

Haru was asleep soundly next to him, and Rin found himself envying the ease at which he ignored everything that was happening. He studied the black tufts of hair that stood up from the pillow, and for a short moment Rin could forget his fear, entirely enthralled by the sleeping figure beside him. He would never get over how much younger Haru looked while asleep.

His temporary calm was shattered by a fierce bolt of lightning that illuminated the sky as if it was daytime. He steeled his nerves against the inevitable roll of thunder that would follow, but to no avail. The sharp, violently loud rumble ripped through the night, causing Rin to face away from the window and bury his face in Haru’s chest.

_It’s alright to be scared, huh…_

Rin tried to block out the montage of images that followed - wild waves, a boat at sea, and a funeral progression.

_Especially when I have reason to be…_

He didn’t want to dwell on those memories. Haru’s heart beat steadily through his shirt, a quiet melody that almost willed Rin’s own to quit its wild thumping. He noticed a change in its tempo when--

“Are you okay?”

The soft whisper startled him, rendering him somewhat unable to provide a convincing response.

“Y-yeah…” he replied.

Haru puffed slightly, before shifting his body so that he faced Rin, and draping his arm across his shoulders. _As I thought, definitely not convincing…_

He tensed up when he felt Haru lightly run his fingers through his hair.

_I’m not sure I deserve this… he thought, as he began to relax. What have I done to deserve this? No, rather, what have I done to deserve him?_

Another flash and another clap of thunder, and Rin felt Haru’s arm tighten around him.

_This guy… he’s protecting me from my own stupid fear, and he’s barely even conscious while he’s at it._

Rin felt a stinging at the back of his eyes.

_He’s treating me so delicately… like I might break if not treated with care. But honestly, can I truly claim that I won’t?_ I’m _the one trembling like a child at a few drops of rain._ I’m _the one who spent years of my life pushing everyone away._ I’m _the one gripping onto_ his _shirt as if it’ll ground me. As if it’ll truly protect me from the shaky legs of composure that I’m currently standing on._

_So why…?_

He felt a strange sort of guilt clawing at his heart. Why was he still so afraid? And why was it that the thing he feared most of all was displaying weakness, to a guy who had shown no signs of derision upon finding out Rin’s continuing fear? _No… it’s more like… I’m afraid to show weakness to someone who I was always fighting to be strong for._

He tried to forget the other guilt he felt. He tried to ignore the wave of perhaps irrational hatred he felt for himself for having the nerve to be afraid of storms to begin with. Why should he be given the luxury of warm and safe when his father…

He tried to stop himself short at that thought. He tried. Nonetheless, the images still flowed into his brain. The photograph of his father winning the relay. A photograph of his mother and father holding a fiercely redheaded child. The slowly fading memory of being taught to swim. The cabinet that held recordings of old Olympic relays, videos that started to slowly disappear after his father’s passing. The first time Rin discovered his father’s dream, and the first time he felt responsible for stopping that dream short.

The clawing guilt had a firm grip. A ball of tightly wound anxiety threatened to burst out of his chest, to bubble up out of his throat in the form of a strangled sob. He didn’t realise such a cry had escaped him until Haru stirred beside him. The hand that had stilled in his hair moved again, gently tangling with the strands.

_I’m weak. I’m so weak. Weak weak weak weak weak._

“It’s not your fault,” came a murmur.

Rin slowly shifted his head to face the source of the voice. Haru’s eyes were wide and glimmering. How long had he been awake?

“It’s not your fault,” he repeated, his voice clear and free of sleep. There was a firmness in his expression that made Rin wonder if Haru could sense the source of his despair.

“It’s… not just about the storm anymore, is it?”

_Just how observant_ was _he?_

“I-I guess not…” Rin mumbled in reply.

“It’s not your fault,” Haru said again, moving his hand to Rin’s face, lightly brushing away a bead of sweat from his forehead.

A flash of lightning illuminated the night, and Rin didn’t even flinch. He was captivated by the small, tender smile that played on Haru’s face.

_Why… was I afraid? Why was I…_

* * *

Rin woke up early the next morning with a killer headache. The storm had abated, leaving only the patter of rain against the window. His neck felt stiff as he turned his head to find Haru still fast asleep. Thankful for the opportunity to rid himself of the throbbing pain in his head, Rin gladly closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep.

* * *

By the time he awoke again, Rin’s headache was gone and sunlight dimly shone through the window. The curtains were open, which would have lead Rin to believe that Haru was awake, however the warmth radiating from his side said otherwise. He was still sound asleep. Rin wondered how this was even possible, seeing as it was well into the late morning now and Haru was not the one who had spent the night whimpering like a child.

(Truthfully, Haru had stayed awake after Rin went to sleep - just to make sure things were okay. Rin wasn’t to know this, though.)

With a heavy sigh, Rin carefully slipped out of bed so as to not wake him, and quietly stepped out of the room.

* * *

Rin realised after he’d left that he should have left a note. He’d expected to be back before Haru woke up, but he hadn’t taken into account his own procrastination.

He’d spent two hours wandering the town before finally doing what he set out to do: visiting his father’s grave.

The cold claw of guilt latched itself to Rin’s heart again, though this time, there was a new reason. _The last time I was here I… I told him I’d win. That I’d make him proud._ But looking back on his behaviour, he doubted he made him proud at all. He hasn’t done anything worth being proud of. Not yet.

He sat down in front of the grave and rested his forehead on it. The stone was cool and damp against his skin. He didn't know how long he sat like that, he didn’t even know _why_ … but somehow it helped to settle the turmoil in his heart.

A soft shower began to dampen the ground and cause his hair to cling to his neck. The weak sunshine had ended, replaced with the dull grey of rainclouds.

At first he didn’t notice the quiet footsteps through the rain, or the light brush of a forearm, or the gentle pressure of someone leaning against him. In fact, it took him a full five minutes to register that it was Haru who sat beside him. It took a further five minutes for him realise that Haru had actually gone looking for him and found him, as if he knew from the very beginning.

Rin started to form a question, but was cut off by a small smile.

“You talk in your sleep, Rin,” Haru said, reaching over to intertwine their fingers. “And I know you blame yourself.”

Rin hesitated, trying to decide what to say. A minute passed. Two. The rain was steadily getting heavier.

“Hey Haru…” he started. Haru turned and looked at him so openly and so disarmingly unguarded that Rin couldn’t even bring himself to laugh at the magnificent bedhead that the rain was now plastering to his face.

“...Thanks. For-” he hesitated. “For- everything. For--”

He was cut off by a short squeeze of the hand. Haru stood up, pulling Rin with him.

“You’re gonna get sick if you stay out in the rain like this,” he said, not letting go of Rin’s hand. Rin made a face. Not only would he miss out on training, but he’d probably also get fed copious amounts of mackerel.

He let himself get pulled along until they reach the road, before he stops.

“Wait a second, wouldn’t you get sick too?”

Haru smiles, steps forward and plants a swift kiss on the lips.

“The water will fix me.”

Rin stood there, in stunned silence.

_Why was I so afraid?_ he thought, before chasing to catch up.

_He cared all along._

 

**Author's Note:**

> So...there you have it. Completely gross and completely sappy and completely born out of my own inability to act rationally during storms.
> 
> I'll just quickly explain the bathroom thing: as a kid, my parents told me that the safest place in the house during any kind of natural disaster is the bathroom, because of the pipes reinforcing the walls. Now, I don't know whether that's true or if my parents just told me that to get me to stop crying, but it's a coping mechanism that has stuck with me right up until now. So I may have projected some of my own experiences onto Rin here, but it helped that for once I was writing from some sort of experience.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading!


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